| Date | Home team | Score | Away team | Competition |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 3 Oct 2010 | U13s Swifts | 8-4 | Howbridge Swifts | League Cup |
Match report for 3rd October 2010
Reported by Al Murray
Welcome again everyone to Saltcoats park. This is special guest reporter Al Murray saying a big hello. Today we welcome the Howbridge Swifts for our second cup game of the season. Still in the physio’s room are Joe (chest infection) and William (broken arm). We hope to have both boys fit and raring to go in a couple of weeks.
Today the team start with a back four of Josh, Aaron, George and Thomason; midfield is Jolean, Jack, Jason and Luke, with a front two of Thomas and Jovette. Ben starts in goal and Owen warming up on the bench.
As the game kicks off, the Focus’s start seems to be going well, but with the long grass the passes are not as strong as the could be. Soon the home team have a free kick on the edge of their opponents box. Luke steps up and the goal keeper makes a good save, but after a scrambled clearance from the Howbridge defence the ball lands at Luke’s feet once more and he unleashes a cracking right foot shot straight into the top corner. Luke is now on the scoreboard with he’s first goal for the Swifts.
The Focus Swifts kick off and are soon 2-0 up with a goal from Thomas after some good work in midfield from Jack. The team now were showing some good team skills and Jason and Jovette nearly made it 3-0, only for a great save from the apposing keeper. Just before half time, Howbridge made a break and although Ben made a good save they went on to make it 2-1. Ref then blew the whistle and both teams trudged off for their well-earned refreshments.
Our half time guest of honour today was the latest addition to the benchwarmers, Master Kieran Grace. After watching ‘Spellbound’ win ‘Britain’s got Talent’ the Swifts supporters have been training hard over the summer to bring us their latest routine that Tony (the tiger) was sure would bring a smile to tiny man’s face. The very cleverly named dance troupe, ‘ Everything’s going Southbound’, took to the pitch lead by the girls, Diane (Monroe) Draper, Kerry (the cake) Burgess, Wendy (Blondie) Fleming, Jessica (Tulula) Rucker and Tracy (Winehouse), and to follow were the boys, Tony (the tiger) Burgess, Ian (slim line) Hammond, Paul (the mastic man) Fleming, Stuart (Speedo) Rucker and not forgetting myself, Al Murray.
The group were going great guns, and although Kieran seemed to be enjoying the show, the one to watch his mum, Julie (horse oils) Grace, as she was in a state of high hysterics, with tears of laughter rolling down her cheeks. The routine was flowing lovely until an unexpected mishap, which brought a rapturous applause from the supports of the opposition, changed that as the troupe were preparing for their grand finale. One of Delroy (reggae, reggae,)’s goats, which he’d brought along the cut the grass but never got time, broke loose and headed straight for the world famous pyramid of dancers. Delroy, without thinking, ran out in front of the goat and proceeded to trip and fall head first into the bottom row of the pyramid, which, in turn, had the next three rows toppling down around him. There were sports bras, jock straps and leotard scattered everywhere. Not only did the dancers have to be picked up so did Delroy’s better half, Hazel, as she had collapsed in fits of laughter. The goat was caught and the now famous wheelbarrow was brought out to clear away the debris for the second half to start. (P.S. If any of the male dancers have lost a jock strap and females have lost a 38DD bra please see Delroy as he has them hanging in his shed.)
With only one half-time change, Owen in for Ben, the game kicked off and straight away with some good work from Jack as he found Josh unmarked at the back post, who slotted it in for his first goal for the club. The Swifts midfield was now running the show, with Luke in particular a domineering presence. Jolean, Jason and Jack were feeding Thomas and Jovette some good balls, but they kept coming up against the rock of the Howbridge keeper. The boys were getting frustrated and switched off for five minutes, and in turn the visitors made it 3-3. This woke the Focus Swifts up and they retaliated by taking the ball up the other end and made it 4-3 with Thomas getting his second of the match. Howbridge made a good attack with Owen responding to save a sure goal and then followed that up with a quick throw to Josh, who then made a good pass to Jack, who in return set Jason up perfectly for our fifth goal. Some more great defence from George and Aaron led to a superb pass to Luke who hit the cross bar with some spectacular skill and force. Soon the crowd were relaxed and the team were playing some great football. Thomas felt he hadn’t done enough, so pounced forward to score his last for a hat trick, Jason then made it 7-3 and Jovette followed up with another. With the full-time looming, the Howbridge boys decided that they weren’t finished either and the whistle blew for a penalty for the last kick of the game. The shooter blasted the ball wide of the post but the ref called for a retake. With his second try the ball found the back of the net and the final score was 8-4 to the Focus Swifts.
Tony (the tiger) congratulated all the boys on a fantastic performance today, especially in the bad conditions. (Lets hope Del’s goats are available during the week to cut the grass down to size.)
Man of the match to day was presented by Al Murray, who said it was a hard choice as everyone of the team had played a big part in the victory, good goals from Thomas, Jovette and Jason, a first goal from Josh, well done to him, and a round of great midfield play form Jolean and Jack, but his final decision was Luke for his Essien like performance in midfield and also for his first goal at the club, well done.
Special thanks go to Jeff and Alan, last weeks entertainment, for doing the hair and make-up before the show today. ’Everything’s going Southbound’’s costumes were donated by ‘Help the Aged’.
This is Al Murray saying ’Best of British’ and see you all on Sunday.